The Favored Child
For a parent to be fair, each child should be treated the same way and given the same amount of attention. This is never easy. We all play favorites and we can’t help it but what we can do is to avoid showing it. Favoritism is manifested in many ways and for many reasons.
Sign Number 1
You are more affectionate toward one child and it comes so naturally. You greet one child with a warm, tight hug and smoother him with kisses, while you wave “Hi” to your other children. This happens when you have a child who compliments your flaws, thus you feel more naturally drawn to him.
Sign Number 2
You excessively praise one child while neglecting to utter nice words to your other children. By being drawn so much to this favored child, you sometimes inadvertently mistreat the other children.
Sign Number 3
You shower one child with gifts. When you’re out shopping, you always seem to be looking for something to buy for this favored child while buying something inexpensive for the other children.
Sign Number 4
You make a big deal when talking about your child to friends and relatives, boasting endlessly about all his achievements but when asked about your other kids’ achievement, you are stumped.
Sign Number 5
You find yourself unknowingly drawn to your child whose traits you can identify with.
Sign Number 6
It seemed so easy for you to reward a child, sometimes excessively. You waste no time giving him money while you lecture your other children on how to save.
Too much of anything is unhealthy and dangerous. If the love nurtures a sense of entitlement, then the child begins to think he is so good that he does not need to work to accomplish anything. He does not see the urgency to work hard to be loved, to gain favor or to get his way. Rivalries and jealousies develop fast when kids feel that their parents are playing favorites. You are sending a wrong signal to your other children. This is when favoritism leads to hatred and various behavioral and psychological problems. The other children will start feeling resentment towards the favored one and doubt his parent’s love. On the other hand, the favored child may grow up thinking that he is better or superior than his siblings. Sometimes he becomes arrogant, entitled and spoiled. The favored one will get used to being the center of attention and if he is not in the limelight anymore, he doesn’t know what to do and seem lost and can even lead to depression.
Playing favorites is normal and natural but the most important thing is that you don’t let it create a lapse in the way you treat your children. It should not disable parents to see what is good for all their kids. Nurture love equally to all of your kids. Keep in mind that each child has his unique role to play. Wouldn’t it be better to teach your kids that greatness is nor determined by what gifts and talents one has but rather by what one does with those gifts? Strive to find the right balance when expressing love to your children. Favoritism dents sibling relationships and will distort a child’s personality. What children need is to feel and receive the same amount of love and attention from their parents. Celebrate what you love about each of your children. Every child is a unique individual and parents naturally forges different relationships with each one. Be aware of your immeasurable capacity to care for each child without partiality.